The other day, I was moving a bed for my wife. She had a sleep numbers bed once, and now an opportunity to get another gave me a need to rent a moving truck. We have nothing big enough to transport a bed, let alone a king size bed. So off to the rental I go…
I followed my wife to pickup the bed, we got it loaded pretty simply and then drove home. I followed her the entire way. If any of you know my wife you will know that following her is no easy task. Also we drive different.
There is what’s called a “three mile bridge” named so because it’s three miles across the water, connecting Pensacola with Gulf Breeze. For some reason, the drive back, little less than mid way across the bridge, it hit me! FLASH BACK!
This time was different than the others. I was conscious of me being in a flashback. I was conscious of the flash back not being reality. I was in two worlds!
In the flash back world I was back in Afghanistan, driving a big truck in a convoy. People driving too close to my convoy for comfort yet my “gunner” was not doing his job keeping people back! Yet…
In the real world I was simply following my wife in the normal bridge traffic. I was able to keep my concentration on simply following the vehicle in front of me, but my mind wanted to revisit the past. My mind wanted to be back in Afghanistan. My mind wanted my “gunner” to provide security. Half of me could not understand why our convoy was letting people drive right next to us? Even some passing us? I fought the urge to prevent people from getting in MY convoy! I find myself scanning the road for odd objects. I find myself looking in every car that passes by convinced that one of them may have explosives in the back seat just trying to get in MY convoy!
Living in two worlds… In one world my thoughts and concerns are legitimate. In the real world they are ridiculous.
I describe this trigger because I know many out there have that same dual world. You are prepared for the worst yet find yourself “talking yourself down” calling your own concerns “silly” and “useless”. Rest assured brothers and sisters, your concerns are NOT silly OR useless. Rather, you are just having a hard time accepting the change that comes with this transition.
Our brains aren’t trained to forget. They are trained to remember. Those memories of legitimate situations are like the family and friends who have died over the years. Just because those situations (people) are gone does not mean we completely forget everything we have learned from them. You’re not crazy! You’re experienced!