So many triggers, so little time. Today I wanted to talk a bit about those invisible triggers. You know what I am talking about the one where you wake up in a shitty ass mood and everything sets you off. Yeah that one. I know PTSD is different for everyone. I am one of the “lucky” ones according to the counselor I had because I cannot remember my dreams. That makes for a bit of confusion when I wake up pissed off at the world with no reasoning what-so-ever. Makes a hell of a day for my wife too.
Now to add to this, I have a dog, Chewbacca (Chewie for short). I got Chewie to train to be my service dog. It’s been difficult because most trainers want to GIVE you a dog they don’t want you to already have a dog. Then when you tell them you have one they have to “assess” him to see if he will be a good service dog. FUCK THAT! Look, Chewie is my best buddy and you can train him or go fuck yourself. But enough about that. Chewie has been taking care of me instinctively. He needs some extra training in manners, but he’s a good dog. He’s just got a lot of puppy in him still. Well at night if I’m in a bad dream, Chewie will wake me up.
Ok so now that Chewie wakes me up in the middle of a “night terror”, I remember parts of it and it takes me a helluva long time to get back to reality. At least the “good news” is that I remember part of it and so I understand where the fucking trigger came from. The other “good news” is the only way for me to remember some of the memories that I have no fucking clue about is by remembering and building upon these… but, the dreams sometimes have to do with memories sometimes are just a conglomerate of things going on combined with memories. It’s like an alternate reality mixed with just enough reality that it makes no sense.
What to do about this?
Good question. I have not come up with a good way to handle these. The best I have come up with so far is to focus on bringing myself back to reality. It really can set a person up for a rough day though. Invisible triggers are a pain in the ass. Not only can you not see them coming, but at times they take you further into that hole of PTSD.